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Difficult conversations

Difficult conversations

I’ve had a few people ask me lately how to deal with upset or disappointment. Be it someone who treated them badly in a specific situation or where they paid for a service that was not completed to the standard they expected. It can be any situation where you feel let-down or slighted and you know you simply deserve better.

So how to deal with these situations ?

Here’s some tips on dealing with those more difficult conversations:

1. What’s the problem?
Can you clearly articulate what the problem is? Pare it down to one sentence. Recognize that right now the offending person may be blissfully unaware that you are disappointed or upset.

2. Cool down
Never address the issue while you are still angry or upset. Whatever energy you are in you will get back. If you start the conversation when you are still heated, you will get that right back. Don’t swing from being the victim in the situation to the perpetrator in the conversation you want to have.

3. Deserve better
Believe that you deserve better. If the person embarrassed you or upset you, know that you deserve to be treated better than that. Take some time to think about how you would like to be treated. Feel you deserve it. If you have handed over money for a service that was not up to standard, feel you deserve better and deserve what you paid for.

4. Get clear on what you want to say
Prepare for the conversation and run it over in your mind what you want to say. Focus on the facts but at the same time honour your feelings and the impact it had. Less of the “you did” and “you said” and more of the “I”. Honour yourself, what you feel you deserve and calmly explain your point of view.

5. Detach from the outcome
The other person may never see it your way. There may not be an opportunity for them to “right” the situation. The purpose of the conversation is to honour how you feel at and let you begin to say “no”. At the very least, by having the conversation with them, it should at some level make them more aware, or wary of treating you in the same way again. You are far more likely to make a lasting impression or impact if you do it calmly rather than fighting with them.

It takes practice
If you address a situation retrospectively, you will be more likely to notice the signs and address the issue real time the next time. Over time you will learn to stop the situation and say “no” in the moment.  You will be more in control if you focus on your needs and what you deserve.