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Change: friend or fiend?

Change: friend or fiend?

Change is inevitable. There is something unique about every day and life is constantly moving forward. But there is routine – about 75% of our actions, thoughts, habits, schedule is repetitive in nature. When change happens, it can feel seismic, regardless of whether it was expected or unexpected or if it is desired or unwelcome in out lives.

 

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Inner Voice

Inner Voice

Our minds rarely stop and the chatter of thoughts persists. It gives us the running commentary of everything that is going on in our lives.

If we were to write it down, it would be the script of everything that we see, hear, do, discuss, observe, experience and feel as we go about our daily lives. The same way you talk to others in conversation, your Inner Voice runs lots of conversations with you. What does yours say?

Is your Inner Voice a Critic or a Cheerleader?

Do you already know your Inner Voice? Perhaps you know it as a Critic all too well? If you are not too sure, consider the following:
If you think 90,000 thoughts a day – how many of them are about you?
Think about what you say to yourself, rather than about or to others.
Who does your inner voice reflect?
Where did it learn it’s script?
Does it quote the voices of authority you have had in your life?
Does it represent the voice of social conditioning?
Does anything you say to yourself sound like a critic?
e.g. “I’m an idiot” when you drop something
“I could never do that” – your own dream killer

Have you found your other IC – your Inner Cheerleader?

Do you hear the voice that shouts you on, encourages you to just keep going and that you are doing a great job?
Would it be possible for you to hear that voice, as much, if not more than your Inner Critic?

Whilst your critic is loud, abrasive, insensitive and cutting, your cheerleader is a stark contrast. It’s a softer, gentler, warm voice, it comes from the heart. It is a voice that believes in you. A voice that always wants to emerge more, desperately wanting more air-time.

Your cheerleader voice sounds like the very best mothering you could get. It is a soft, stead, strong voice that holds hope, joy, passion, optimism and one that just simply but always sees and believes in you. Just the way you are – right now.

Through our thoughts and feelings, we are creating our own reality. Nothing and nobody on this planet is perfect and we should stop expecting ourselves to be. You are fine exactly as you are right now. Changing your thoughts will change your experience.
What if you were to just laugh when you drop something?
What if you were to believe you are ready for a new challenge or opportunity?

Stopping your Inner Critic and it’s rant, brings you nearer to your true essesnce. If your mind holds the criticism, your heart holds the cheerleader. Your heart also knows the answers, how to silence the critic and awaken the cheerleader.

Steps to stopping your Inner Critic

  1. Write down one Inner Critics thought                                     [ask your mind]
  2. Where does it come from or what or who triggers it?
  3. Ask yourself – is this thought really true?
  4. How does it make you feel?
  5. What would you be or what would you do without it?           [ask your heart]
  6. What thought or feeling do you need to replace it with?

Give it some time to settle and enjoy “wearing” your new feeling. Any time you hear the old critic arising, catch it! Recognize it as just a thought that no longer serves you and let it float on by, like a cloud in the sky.

Once you have removed one critical thought from your vocabulary, go back through the process again.

Whenever you hear your Inner Critic firing up; sit, breathe, meditate if you can and become aware that your mind is just running a record. You can chose at any time to flip  over that record and play a different song.

Get to know and spend time listening to your hearts voice, your intuition, the voice of your soul – find your Inner Cheerleader!
Feel what it has to say – Believe what it has to say

10 Tips for a Happier Day

10 Tips for a Happier Day

1. Gratitude – start each day with an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful for who and what you have in your life. Be thankful that is another day in your life, giving you the opportunity to make it what you want.

2. Opportunity – today is your day, what is the one thing you can do today to make a difference? It doesn’t have to be anything big. Sow some seeds today and reap the rewards later. What project have you been thinking about? Is there one step you can do today? What relationship is troubling you? What one thing can you do or say today that would make a difference?

3. Perspective – not all days are created equal. We have good days and bad days just as there are good times and bad times. Life is a rollercoaster. Just notice where you are right now. Even if you are on the downhill slope, just know that you will be on the ‘up’ again soon. Things can always be better… and they can always be worse.

4. Do what you can do and do it well – whatever you need to do today, give it your full energy and attention. You can curse and swear silently at some things you need to do but you need to do them anyhow. Why not bring your energy and patience / humour / wisdom  to it and it will take less effort ? You won’t expend as much energy if you do it with a smile.

5. Have real conversations – for everyone you meet today, be real with them. Listen to them. Speak honestly. Don’t just rush through ‘doing’ things all day. Have real connections with people and get more out of your day.

6. Emotions – just notice where you are today. There is no right and wrong. If you are down, why not tell those around you. They may have noticed anyhow. If you talk about it they will understand and from there you get support. If you have children in the house, it teaches them to label and talk about their feelings which is very positive for them.

7. Bigger picture – day to day routine can bog us down. Take stock of bigger picture. What are your bigger plans for you for the year ahead? Remember that 40% of our happiness comes from having personal goals. Do something, no matter how small, in that bucket for yourself today!

8. Blend – what is your day made up of ? Do you have some ‘me’ time ? Each day should give you some time for yourself to do what you want and make sure some is to relax.

9. Notice Nature – being out in nature can be very calming and soothe or soul in this busy world. Plan to get a nature fix each day or just pay more attention to nature when you are out and about.

10. Detox – Don’t watch the news or read the news before you go to bed  – that includes the phone too. In fact, leave the phone away and learn to go to sleep without your “bed-time phonies”. Break the habit of checking all your apps before you sleep.

Difficult conversations

Difficult conversations

I’ve had a few people ask me lately how to deal with upset or disappointment. Be it someone who treated them badly in a specific situation or where they paid for a service that was not completed to the standard they expected. It can be any situation where you feel let-down or slighted and you know you simply deserve better.

So how to deal with these situations ?

Here’s some tips on dealing with those more difficult conversations:

1. What’s the problem?
Can you clearly articulate what the problem is? Pare it down to one sentence. Recognize that right now the offending person may be blissfully unaware that you are disappointed or upset.

2. Cool down
Never address the issue while you are still angry or upset. Whatever energy you are in you will get back. If you start the conversation when you are still heated, you will get that right back. Don’t swing from being the victim in the situation to the perpetrator in the conversation you want to have.

3. Deserve better
Believe that you deserve better. If the person embarrassed you or upset you, know that you deserve to be treated better than that. Take some time to think about how you would like to be treated. Feel you deserve it. If you have handed over money for a service that was not up to standard, feel you deserve better and deserve what you paid for.

4. Get clear on what you want to say
Prepare for the conversation and run it over in your mind what you want to say. Focus on the facts but at the same time honour your feelings and the impact it had. Less of the “you did” and “you said” and more of the “I”. Honour yourself, what you feel you deserve and calmly explain your point of view.

5. Detach from the outcome
The other person may never see it your way. There may not be an opportunity for them to “right” the situation. The purpose of the conversation is to honour how you feel at and let you begin to say “no”. At the very least, by having the conversation with them, it should at some level make them more aware, or wary of treating you in the same way again. You are far more likely to make a lasting impression or impact if you do it calmly rather than fighting with them.

It takes practice
If you address a situation retrospectively, you will be more likely to notice the signs and address the issue real time the next time. Over time you will learn to stop the situation and say “no” in the moment.  You will be more in control if you focus on your needs and what you deserve.